Friday, 26 August 2011

Chuck Norris Facts.....

1. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack... even a   heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.

2. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

3. Chuck Norris was born May 6, 1945. The Nazi surrendered to us May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I don't think so!!!!

4) Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

5) The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.

6) Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
7) Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

8) Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
9) Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
10) Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March     31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
11) Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg
12) Chuck Norris can run a 3-legged race by himself. 
13) Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.             
14)  A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection
15) Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
16) Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
17) Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
18) Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
19) Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there is no signs of life.
 20) It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
21) Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
22) Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
23) Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
24) Chuck Norris can find the end of a circle 
25) Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
26) In the early 70's Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger got into a fight. With just one round house kick to the face, Arnold hasn't talked the same ever since
27)Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
28) Santa Claus sits on Chuck Norris' lap  
29) On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

30) What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

1 comment:

  1. Somewhere, somebody posted a question: "What color does Chuck Norris paint his toes?" The answer is obvious... Chuck Norris paints his toes gold... real, molten gold. And when Chuck Norris wants to remove the nail color, he stares it down, and it backs off!